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FF Sparks (Casual)

Some days, I hate my family...

So, I finally called mom back. After all, I need to get all the info on the dog's medications and whatnot.

Of course, I get a lecture. So here's the day's summary, since I'm slightly calmer; I'm marking the other stuff private since I'm not proud of how I shouted (used capital letters) in 'em, and this is really the best summary of the whole situation.

About three months ago, mom mentioned that she and dad might need me for a weekend in September, because dad was camping all the September weekends and mom had several sesshin sessions, and if times didn't work out right, they might need me to come by and feed the dog (normally mom has a mid-day break at sesshin and so comes home and walks and feeds the dog, but she can't when she's the cook or the person running it or anything). No biggie, I said yes, I could probably do that.

About three weeks ago, while I was at Dragon*Con, mom sent me an e-mail with a 'we need you the weekend of September 21' note. Fine...normally, I would've been able to respond with a 'no, I can't do that' as it is the only weekend in September I had something planned. However, as those who read my journal likely know, Noderunner.net was down at the time, so the e-mail never got through. As mom's office uses a wacky Exchange configuration, she never gets bounce messages and so never knew the e-mail didn't get through; she apparently just assumed I got it. (And in case I had messed up and missed an earlier e-mail about it, I just checked back to May 25th in my mail...nothing from mom relating to this. A lot about walks, about how is my job hunt going, talking about her planning to go back east at the beginning of November to visit grandmother and she knows grandma would like me there too if I could make it, etc. But nothing whatsoever about September 21st or the dog.)

Then the weekend before last (i.e., the weekend after I got back from Dragon*Con), dad was camping and took the dog, and asked me if I could bring in the papers. I asked him if this was the weekend he and mom had mentioned, and dad said 'no, we need you the last weekend of the month'. I figured hey, the party is the next-to-last weekend, they need me the last weekend, no conflict. So I told him of course, I can do that, no problem. Dad passed this along to mom.

Now, mom mails me today -- while I'm sorting out car-pooling -- to remind me that I need to come by soon to get all the info about the dog. I mail her back a 'what? That's next weekend, I talked to dad, he said the last weekend of the month.' Mom replies that no, I should have checked with her because my dad is bad with dates and times and she feels 'betrayed and frustrated' that her plans might have to be changed last minute because of this. Feeling rather upset myself with the whole situation, I mail back that yes, fine, my friends are going to be pissy at having to change THEIR plans, too, but since I had promised a weekend in September for taking care of the dog, I'll cancel on them. (Hey, it's only Rose's 30th birthday...I'm sure another will happen, right?) I admit my tone was a little snarky, but I felt rather peeved at the situation.

Mom gets very angry about my 'guilt tripping' her when this is 'all your fault to begin with, Rachel, for not being responsible about scheduling', and how since Kumo is sick she wouldn't trust the dog with anyone else. Pardon me for actually fucking trying to have a life. Anyway, as reported earlier, she calls me while I'm in a meeting at work -- my first day back at work, mind you -- and yells at me, loud enough that everyone in the room can hear (and my cellular phone was NOT in speakerphone mode). And won't hang up...so finally, I hang up on her. She sends me an e-mail that she only wanted to find out when I would come by to find out the dog's new medication regimen, and wasn't going to get off the phone because she wasn't going to be at a phone for a few hours, and that she's angry I hung up on her, and expects a call back later at home.

So, I call her. And immediately get a lecture about how hanging up on her was immature and my behavior is unacceptable and we are going to have a talk RIGHT NOW about how I need to improve my attitude towards people because you never know when you might need them to do something for you in the future. (Which seems rather ironic, given the situation.) I told her to treat me like a damned adult if she wanted 'acceptable' behavior, and tried to explain my frustrations. Except she kept interrupting me in mid-sentence, with 'No, Rachel, that's not the problem. You are missing my point, now listen to me.' Finally, I told her I'd be by tonight to get the dog's medication stuff sorted out. She continues to try and lecture me, and I hang up on her. She called back and left a voicemail; no clue what it says, I don't care. I deleted it un-heard.

I expect dad's going to have to act as a buffer/intermediary between mom and I tonight. Because if she tries to say /anything/ not relating to the dog's medication, I'm going to simply walk out. Period.

This is about par for mom when she feels thwarted or that things aren't going her way. Perhaps it makes it a little clearer why I've found over most of my life it's not worth trying to stand up for myself; before I moved out on my own, I really had no recourse. Or why I was not happy about the possibility of moving home again. Or why I stopped bothering trying to have much of a social life, since my plans often end up getting cancelled and mom guilt-trips me whenever I leave town to do something.

Because I do love Kumo, I'm going to do this; I'm not going to make him suffer for this situation when he's a sick doggy. But I am really, really, really REALLY angry at my mother. More than I have ever been in recent memory.

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