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Writing, FF Sparks (Writing)

[Silly] Grammar Ninjas!

Blame caggles, she was the one who talked about commas wearing black ninja pajamas and slipping unseen where they aren't wanted. This spurred the topic of 'grammar ninjas,' and then we had to decide what 'grammar ninjas' were. To which, my answer was:

grammar ninjas steal caps and punctation from aol people omg except exclamations marks which they take from everywhere else and leave with the aol people lol!!!1!! And then, like a black cat, shrouded in mist, on a night under a new moon, they slip silently into the psuedo-literary writing of pretentious sorts; they flit about unseen, scattering stray punctuation, metaphor and simile in a random manner much like a pixie sprinkling dust where e'er it may fly; leaving the reader ensnared in a web of superfluous commas, misused descriptions, and endless sentences winding like paths through a garden, linked together only by semi-colons.
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Capital answer!

oh, wait....
That is great! Do you mind if cross-post this?
If you think people would be amused by it somewhere, feel free. :)
Hah! Now I have some excuse to fall back upon. Thank you!
(I also will make with the crossposting goodness.)
I hereby enrol you as a Marshal in the Grammar Police, with all the privileges, obligations, entitlements and emoluments¹ that pertain thereto.

Here in England, the misplaced apostrophe is popularly knows as "the greengrocer's comma", because the most egregious examples, historically speaking, were seen on the chalkboard price lists posted outside the said fructative and vegetative emporia:

Granny Smith apple's, 6d a pound
Banana's, 9d a bunch

However, my all-time favourite was a beautifully-painted notice on the window of a pub in the centre of Liverpool. I saw it every day whilst waiting for the bus, when I lived there twenty years ago.

This was clearly a high-class establishment. According to the notice, it offered cooked meals with brandies, aperitifs, liqueurs and the utterly mystifying


It took me a while to figure out that they meant hors d'oeuvres. This, presumably, was the Irish translation. Knowing the irrepressible Scouse sense of humour, it's entirely possible that the mistake was quite deliberate :-)

¹ Sorry, the emoluments are pretty slim. You even have to supply your own copy of Eats Shoots and Leaves.
A great book!
Another fun book for grammar junkies is _Comma Sutra_.

(Don't you just wish you'd thought of that?)
Gee, my mental image is of my 9th grade English teacher, Mrs. Piercy, in the black pajamas and the black headband. Mrs. Piercy was a tiny woman (and not just from my overgrown perspective--she was 4'10" tall), and the oldest teacher in my high school. She had all the requisite fierceness to be a ninja. She once dragged a football player who had bothered her to the office, I kid you not, by his ear.