Rachel "Sparks" Blackman (seattlesparks) wrote,
Rachel "Sparks" Blackman

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Happy Valentine's Day...

You know, it's weird to be both happy for those around you - it seems like everyone I know is pairing up into happy couples - but also melancholy about being alone. When you hear about others going out to nice dinners and watch people cuddling and generally see it everywhere you turn, you start to wonder 'when will I find an accessible romantic spark...someone who I can go to the movies with and lean up against...who I can cuddle with while watching television or a video.

I find lots of people who are willing - even eager - to do that with me. But they're inaccessible, or they're not someone who I feel romantically interested in (i.e. a good friend, but not more). I start to wonder if I'm looking for something I'm not going to find, some ideal which, if it exists, isn't something which exists in an accessible place.

Is the problem really that I am not finding what I'm looking for...or that I'm looking for something I can't find? I'm just feeling a little philosophical tonight, and perhaps a little morose. All I know is that right now, I really, really wish I had someone to cuddle against when I go to bed tonight, or just to sit and watch some videos with while I'm curled up against them.

Then again, Valentine's Day is the time of year when those who are sailing solo feel it the most.

Happy Valentine's Day to all those who aren't alone...I wish you well, and many happy returns of the day. Try not to hold the envious looks and melancholy moods that fill this day for others against us; we really are happy for you, even if we're feeling our own loneliness.
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