April 8th, 2002

FF Sparks (Casual)


The Qwest folks came by and fixed the line this morning. The phone works again, the TiVo was able to dial in and get its listings...and my DSL should stop dropping constantly! YAAAAAAY! *does the happy dance of telecommunications connectivity* As anyone who has seen the Saga Of The Bouncing DSL (and non-working TiVo, and dead phones) secondhand knows, I was Extremely Irritated by my phone line troubles. I am not a violent person by nature, but I was starting to consider an exception for Qwest technicians...! The Yule Ball on HPM was /painful/, the number of times I got disconnected or lagged during it. :(

In other news, I was up WAY too late last night. I told myself I was going to go to sleep earlier than I had been, but... aiie! Suddenly it was 5AM. I am so taking some sleeping pills tonight to force myself to bed a little earlier...! RP can be as bad as writing or coding for a habitual insomniac...even worse, in fact, because you have interaction and you don't want to stop! Still, I am eternally grateful to shadowfey and mistresschaos for being such cool RPers who have been doing sidestory RP with me on a social hangout when I can't stay connected to the 'net to save my life and they have to keep constantly re-posing or waiting on me returning or stuff. It's been sort of insane trying to RP in general because I'll have the DSL drop for five or even ten minutes...and I don't get disconnected, as long as I don't type anything during that time, but I'm frozen. Then suddenly I get a huge burst of text, and I have to catch up. If I /do/ type something, I get the burst of text and then get knocked offline. It was VERY irritating, and I am DEEPLY glad that the DSL now seems to be fixed and I should be able to stay online properly. Yaaay! :D

Anyway, got into work to find disaster with the build machines, which I have now fixed. The IT folks took all the servers down for a move over the weekend and didn't set the build server back up correctly so all kinds of things had gotten snarled up and delayed and confused. Whee! Monday, Monday...

On the plus side, I have the two-CD set of the first two CDs by Ten (or fansite), a British band who I am deeply fond of. I had the two CDs ages ago and lost my copies of them...I recently re-ordered it from Amazon.co.uk, and I am happily listening to the second of the two CDs, Name of the Rose; the title track off that album is the song which got me interested in Ten ages ago. I now have all but one of their CDs, including the one which just came out in December. I don't really know how to describe them; one friend has called them "Celtic metal," based one of their albums...another "Metal lite", another "80's rock made 90's." I just know that Gary Hughes' composition/lyrics and vocal performance, and Vinny Burns' wonderful lead guitar work take me to a happy place. Aaaah....

Though I admit that I'm a little worried that Vinny Burns left the band after the release of their last CD. This new lead guitarist, Chris Francis...I've never heard his stuff. I guess I'll see how their next CD is... I think it's another concept CD like 'Spellbound' (all fantasy-themed) and 'Babylon' (a SF story told through song); judging from the title ('Once and Future King') it's all Arthurian themed. :)
  • Current Music
    Ten - Name of the Rose
FF Sparks (Casual)


After a bit of hunting over lunch break, I tracked down a song which a single quote someone gave had made me remember. The Rose, by Bette Midler. And I think I know now why it is that I love melancholy/wistful music so much, and get such bittersweet comfort from it. This song, for example, my mother used to sing to me when I was little... along with many other wistful, sad songs. She also was the one who first had me listen to Gordon Bok's Peter Kagen and the Wind. I truly do believe that music is a deep key to memory; so many different musics and types of music make me think of various things.

Beethoven - in particular the Moonlight Sonata - makes me think of cuddling up in blankets on my window seat when I was little, looking out the window at the stars overhead with my telescope. Ragtime - Scott Joplin music in particular - makes me think of when I first learned to play piano, because I wanted to play like that, and can still inspire me to want to create something. Guitar music, I think is some of the most beautiful because that's what my mother plays and so what I often heard as a child.

And wistful or melancholy music makes me think back to times as a child when I was hurting, When my absolute best friend in the whole world, David, moved away to Australia with only two weeks notice when his father was transferred (I bought a camera, my first ever, just to take a picture of David so I could remember him...in the picture, he's still holding the box of both the camera and the first roll of film, which I handed to him). Dimly and barely remembered, when my grandfather died. When I was so desperately looking forward to a little brother or sister and mom miscarried and I found out I was still an only child. When my other best friend, Heather, who was born in the same hospital on the same day as me, moved away. When I was missing dad most fiercely, because for most of my childhood he was a Federal agent and was away on cases...in Alaska, in California, in all sorts of places but only home when he could bully his way into a weekend or a week home here and there. Mom would hold me on the couch, with the cats curled up with us, and would sing to me. Songs like 'The Rose', and others... I think that's why wistful and melancholy music makes me sad but also makes me feel comforted.

o/` It's the heart, afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance. It's the dream, afraid of waking, that never takes the chance. It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give. And the soul, afraid of dyin', that never learns to live... o/`

I know you don't read this journal, mom...but thank you.
  • Current Music
    Bette Midler - The Rose