Rachel "Sparks" Blackman (seattlesparks) wrote,
Rachel "Sparks" Blackman

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...oh god...

I just got a call from my mother.

Grandma's pneumonia made a comeback. Mom says that apparently it's SARS, not normal pneumonia -- I'm not quite certain if that's the doctors, or mom being slightly hysterical, or what -- but regardless, grandma is back in the hospital and she's in critical condition. Mom's flying out either later today or early tomorrow morning, depending which flight she can get.

As it is, though, the doctors apparently aren't sure that grandma will last even that long. It's really, really bad this time.

I feel like I've been punched in the gut. I was worried before, but everyone was assuring me that she'd make it through. This time, no one is offering that assurance. This time, her lifespan isn't measured in weeks or months, but might be measured only in hours. Before, I was worried...this time, there's just a leaden lump in my stomach, and all I can do is wait. Half of me wants to find a way to distract myself, but I'm going to go help with coordinating family stuff.

I just...

It's times like this that I really do wish I had someone I could just curl up against and let them hold me.
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