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FF Sparks (Casual)


So, I got a lot (and I mean a lot) of replies to the Tex post.

Let me put it this way; the one-month rent is actually cheaper than alternatives. If he continues to try and squat at the old house, he'll be found by the old landlords. Now, technically, since he wasn't on the lease we probably should have been paying a 'guest fee' of $5/day. Which works out to about $1200+...and I don't want to give the landlord an excuse to charge that fee. Basically, I want Tex out of the house and not a problem for us in the conclusion of that lease...and a couple hundred for a month of hotel is cheaper than eviction and whatnot. Plus, then I can wash my hands of it and if he falls, he falls on his own and we don't get caught up in his falling.

That said, yes, we were all a bit too generous. I do still feel bad for him, but basically there's nothing else left for me to do in order to help...nor should I, after this. I just think this is the best closure to things.


If he squats, you call the cops. Sounds horrid but if he's not welcome there anymore, he needs to go.
I never let him have a key. :)
Here's my take on things.

You've offered him this one-month hotel thing. Frankly, that's a little more generous than I'm feeling about the whole matter, and I didn't even have to live with him. But fine. You still need to CYA on the whole thing in case he doesn't take it or doesn't have all his stuff out of there.

I strongly suggest that you give him a deadline by which to have all of his things--and himself--out of there. Inform him that if he misses this deadline, you will have no choice but to call the police and have them remove him from the premises.

Now, actually doing so would be potentially problematic, because chances are about even that the police would be obligated to inform your landlord. But let's face it--if it's come to that point, then you're already in danger of your landlord finding out, and this is washing your hands of the matter.

Furthermore, it might not be necessary. You've tried waving months and months of carrots at him, and he needs to understand there's a stick behind them. Make the ultimatum. It might just be enough to scare some sense into him. He needs to understand that you are no longer a plump tit to suck on.
if you tell him to leave and he doesn't, they're right. call the cops. he was never a roommate. they don't need to know how long he was there for.


This sounds like a tough situation, because this was someone you were trying to help, and it didn't work. And now it's turned into something of a millstone 'round your neck. There's a lot of reasons why this can feel really uncomfortable - you might feel like it's kicking him when he's down, you might feel like you'll be responsible for putting him in a worse situation, you might not want to admit failure, etc. All of that might make you hesitant to assert yourself, and set limits on what you'll accept from Tex.

It sounds like Tex isn't really ready to be out on his own and has fallen apart as a result. He's probably throwing most of his energy away being depressed and scared. None of that gives him the right to take advantage.

If I understand this correctly, you're paying to put him up in a hotel for a month, so that he won't be caught squatting in your old house and make a mess with your landlord. That seems really, totally above and beyond the call of duty, and that kind of generous spirit is laudable, and is speaks well of you. However, you have no obligation to 'give until it hurts', and it's probably not a very good idea. It's alright for you to put your foot down. You might not feel comfortable doing it. You might even feel pretty awful for doing it. It seems that emotional growth spurts hurt just as much as the physical kind; it does pass.

This might seem like the path of least resistance to put an end to things, and I hope that it is. Perhaps another alternative is to offer to put Tex on a Greyhound bus, to somewhere else, far away from you, so that he'll stop mooching. Even if he can't go home, you can't be the only friends he has. Maybe that will kick him out of his inertia. If he's got any rationality, he's going to understand that you've been very generous, and he'll be able to make his peace with it.

If he DOES 'blame you' for putting your foot down, then I think he's got his own problems with understanding generosity, and it's not your job to teach him.