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FF Sparks (Out and About), Travel

[General] Random Drunken Encounters, and Guido the Gull II

This morning when I took the puppy out for her walk before breakfast, I had a somewhat surreal encounter. This woman came up to me, in tears, going "Praise God, thank god, ya know what I'm sayin'?" and launched into a long and rambling story about how she'd been in jail for 28 days, and how she was drunk because otherwise she wouldn't be able to cope, and she was a lesbian but didn't know how to be a lesbian because her parents wouldn't understand and so she'd tried to hire out as a lesbian prostitute to learn how to be a lesbian but the cops arrested her and she'd been in jail and now she was out and...

She eventually got around to asking that she wanted to a) have someone sober and 'with it' teach her how to get her life back together, and then b) that she wanted to find someone to practice being a lesbian with, and maybe stay with, because she's presently homeless, because she was in jail for 28 days and now her parents have disowned her and did she mention that she was drunk, and "don't be scared just because I'm a nigga, listen to me, I said nigga, I'm drunk 'cause it stops the pain..."

I did my best to politely direct her to the nearby church -- who could point her at the local shelters -- but she said they wouldn't understand her because she was drunk and she needed someone sober to teach her how to be sober.

At any rate, I tried extricate myself as both Claire and I wanted our breakfasts, but as I did so I noticed... well, the woman was carrying a bag of chips (which had interested Claire). And evidently, the feathered mafia from yesterday also noticed this, and began to advance menacingly on the woman from behind. While she continued to talk to me. I was about to point the four gulls out to her, but then several more seagulls landed and -- with much noise -- chased the first four off somewhere else with them.

I'm not quite certain if I saw a flock collecting wayward members, or if I just watched the feathered mob hauled in by the seagull equivalent of Elliott Ness and the Untouchables. (The Unflappables?) The woman turned to watch the seagulls in some confusion, at which point Claire and I made our way back inside.

A surreal start to the day.

(There, ironman, a post!)

Comments

I feel so dumb now. That's the way to learn about being a lesbian: by being a lesbian prostitute! I bet there's a huge market for lesbian prostitutes, and it would have taught me everything. Instead I had to go the sensible way and figure it out all by myself, without monetary benefits. Man.
Yeah, but you didn't spend 28 days in jail and then wander the streets drunk, either.

(At least, I don't THINK you did...)
I've wandered the streets in a drunken daze, but not as a result of having been in jail because I was a lesbian prostitute. I'll never get that chance now, I fear.
You never know. Your wife might be accomodating...
hee hee hee.. love the icon.
Or they were Rambo Gulls flapping to your rescue from both man and bird!
That's just another Family coming and taking over some territory. ;)
"Unflappables"? *snerk*

Oh, jeez. Now you gotta do the Seattle version of Goodfeathers. You know, the one with Joe Pesto and the Godpigeon, only, you gotta make it work with seagulls.

Vorpal plot bunny, oo-rah! :)
No. No, I really don't gotta do that. ;)
This sounds like something that would have happened on 'The Last Page'... groups of mugger seagulls staking out the perimeter of the park where the crazy old man plays, a drunk with a crazy story accosting Tim as he walks around, etc.

See, you have to write what you know. Real life is so much stranger than fiction.